The upsetting truth about Disney’s old-school marathon

Guilty Pleasures | Madison Yerke | April 23, 2016

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Memorial day weekend has now just become more than a day full of picnics and beer.

Memorial day weekend has now become an answered prayer for 90s kids everywhere.

Disney has decided to rid the channel of its post-2010 trash and celebrate a four day marathon full of all your favorite DCOMs (Disney Channel Original Movies)!

The four day event will consist of all your favorite OGs including (but definitely not limited to) The Even Stevens Movie, Zenon: Girl of the 21st Century, Smart House and Cadet Kelly. While looking over the schedule of movies that’ll be airing nonstop, I had to ask myself: why is Disney delivering us with such grace after so many years of disappointment (read: Disneypointment)?

Now, to my knowledge of Disney post our era, try-hard shows like “Dog With A Blog” and Teen Beach Movie are the kinds of worthless entertainment filling the heads of our lesser youths. Maybe Disney produces these movies to remind us of how good we had it during our upbringings. I mean, everything must have its peak, so it’s obvious we were living through the height of Disney’s creative genius. It’s clear that we were the best generation, torn between technology and the summer days of the Disney Channel Games – not 10 year olds worrying about how to contour or how many followers they have on Instagram.

So why is Disney rekindling the feelings we thought we’d lost all those years ago?

To celebrate the 100th Disney Channel original movie, Adventures of Babysitting, Disney wants to kick off the summer right, and they are…kind of. The problem is, the movie looks (possibly) worse than Teen Beach Movie and hell, that was bad enough.

The thing is Disney, you can’t just get us all excited about bringing back the good flicks and end on a note like the fucking Adventures of Babysitting. Trailer below:

Disney, you’ve lost your charm. We want to see a reunion of cast members – not plastic kids from the industry that look like mini Lindsay Lohans. These girls are what, 12? Why are you wearing smoky eyeliner and losing your goddamn iPhones? Where are your glasses and zits and being pressured by kids at school? Disney simply isn’t letting today’s kids actually be kids, they’re skipping the awkwardness of puberty and going full-force into the level of makeup tutorials on YouTube. That is not what childhood is about. Where will the next generation be without mindful movies like The Color of Friendship? The Luck of the Irish? Full Court Miracle?

Probably in Hell with Miley.


Long live the DCOM.

Signing off – Esteban Julio Ricardo Dela Rosa Ramirez