Jimmy Neutron arrested pending charges of terrorism

Semi-Colonial | Alexis Pracar | April 19, 2016

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RETROVILLE–This morning, Jimmy Neutron, boy genius, was arrested under suspicion of terrorism. The local sheriff, John Johnson, stated: “We received a noise complaint last night from Mr. Neutron’s neighbor. Apparently the neighbors heard the boy repeatedly screaming ‘BRAIN BLAST’ at 11:45 p.m., suspiciously past the young man’s bed time. We are currently investigating what blast the boy is referring to and when it may take place.” Neutron has also been repeatedly reported to the neighborhood watch for his suspicious turban-shaped hair.

An explosion was reported the morning after the noise complaint in a local fast food restaurant, McSpanky’s. Neutron, reportedly accompanied by a suspicious hispanic or middle-eastern looking male, detonated a bomb disguised as a piece of chewing gum. Sheen Estevez, Neutron’s hispanic male friend and suspected gang member, cried out “Nooo, Jimmy, you destroyed Ultralord.” Plastic pieces of an action figure youth, were found crushed beside the spilled milkshakes and empty buns at the scene. Authorities suspect Estevez for either columbian gang violence or playing a lead role in a jihadist plot. To be safe they are trying him for both, as an adult.

A local bird, claiming to be Neutron’s schoolteacher, descended from a nearby branch to give her comments about the tragedy: “Squaa aawkwkkk, yaess, Jimmy was always a straaAAAnge boy. He shrank me one time into the size of a thimble and left me with oOOOOnly a toothpick to fight a giant snake. I don’t trust him.”

The authorities investigated Neutron’s home lab and discovered a shocking amount of technology advanced well beyond the capabilities of even the US government. Neutron’s experiments are now being linked to a resurgence in advanced chemical weapons in rebel-occupied Syrian towns, ISIS research and development, and the recent attacks of multiple Planned Parenthoods.