WASHINGTON– The George Washington University Police released an emergency alert this morning warning the student body of an active Trump supporter in the northeast quarter of campus. Students are advised to stay inside, lock their doors, and stay away from windows.
The Trump supporter repeatedly shouted the N-word at police officers while laughing maniacally and cursing the political correctness of the “Obama-Hussein-P***y-A**-B**ch government,” and went on to say that, “***Obama ***t**** L*** **** cotton-candy **** ***** ch*** ********mustard.” The rant continued in this manner for hours.
Students in support of Cruz and Rubio were interviewed for comment. One Rubio supporter stated: “I mean I also believe that gay people don’t deserve to be treated like human beings or citizens with rights. But like, I’m more chill about it. Like I’m not an asshole about how I say it, you know? I’d definitely still vote for Trump though if he ends up getting the nomination because at the end of the day I’m pretty sexist, racist, and overall bigoted– there’s really no way around that.”
Cruz supporters chimed in, “It’s a little scary to have this kinda thing happen on our campus. I mean, illegal immigrants are ruining my life too but that trump guy should probably be more chill. Like I hate the fact that women can choose what they do with their bodies too– but I like I’m less in your face about it.”
No one knows what is behind the rise of Trump supporters, though many theories have been brought forward. Perhaps the mental health system is broken beyond repair, or more regulations are needed on who can access Trump’s speeches and website. Maybe the only answer is to outlaw supporting Trump.
Trump supporters plague college campuses across the country, with more and more sightings every year.
This article is satirical in nature.